I lost a night of sleep this month. At the Core was the question, “Who am I?”

My bed became a battleground. My Core versus a voice luring me away from it. I sat up more than once and said aloud, “No! That is not who I am!” I was a little frightened that I was even in this argument with myself.

Physical trainers say you need to focus on your core first, because it supports everything.

That night, my Core was strong, not because values, beliefs, and intentions are strong by default, but because the last few years, I have examined, practiced, and exercised my core values, beliefs, and intentions. When I set out to do this, I didn’t know those mindful exercises and practices would be key to supporting my integrity and authenticity in the middle of a sleepless night.

The desperate voice my Core was battling was not motivated by integrity, but rather by my fears and the need to control things around those fears. I think I found myself in this battle, because taking the “high road” is not necessarily a sunny, melodic path. Sometimes it’s discordant, lonesome, and as dark as a new-moon night. Sometimes the high road requires trust and knowing who you are… at the Core.

I didn’t develop my Core strength (the equivalent of a body-builder six-pack) alone. I’m grateful for my “personal trainers” and (cheer)leaders who have helped me. Their energy was with me on that lonesome night.

The next morning, I sat alone and wrote out that night battle. For the first time in a year and a half, I experienced deep serenity and trust. I was able to sit up and say “No! That is not me!”

©Pennie Nichols. All Rights Reserved. 2024