When I was a wife and younger mom, I felt the pendulum of the years: one year fraught with financial and career challenges (It’s been a year.), and the next a giant swing into ease, victories, and flow (It’s been a year!), then back into the dimness and fear of surviving hurdles (What a year…).
Captions through the Years
I never took the time to document and classify those year swings but, if I had, I might have tied up each year with The Year of…. captions to capture the patterns of our family history.
I’m not done with this year and I already have caption potentials:
- The Year of Loss
- The Year of Letting Go
I prefer the latter because it injects my agency back into the year, places me there as an active participant and silhouettes the acceptance of what is that I cultivated around loss.
I thought heartbreak was behind me for a bit, but this is also a year of heartbreak:
- losing the farm that has been the heart of our family connection and gatherings, the farm that should have been our family legacy for years to come
- losing Rosie, our miracle healing kitty after she mysteriously disappeared from the backyard
- shepherding our 15/16-year-old Venus through the last of her dog days
In the chaos of raising children and staying on our financial feet, it was hard to discern the blessings as we navigated the challenges, but looking back, I see them. And now, standing in the middle of this challenging year, I not only see the blessings, I want to lean into them.
Embracing Change
Yes, this is a year of loss, a year of letting go, a year of heartbreak, AND it is The Year of Embracing New Beginnings:
- my delightful journey—writing and training—with Amherst Writers & Artists
- a new novel, outside my original novel series
- solid strides through the query and publication process
- moving with clear purpose toward becoming a full-time writer and facilitator
- more and more workshop, meet-up, and group outlets for sharing the gift of writing with others
Isn’t that how life flows through us, in coupled contrasts—highs and lows, grief and joy, hilarity and despair? A pendulum. A balance.
Even as I let go, I’m embracing something new. And as I let go, I remain open not only to the new, but also to possible returns or restoration. I’m open to Rosie’s miraculous return. I’m open to a change of heart that keeps the farm in our family.
And I’m also okay.
Rollercoaster Years
2025 has been a rollercoaster. I think all years are to some degree, with ups and downs and oopsies. Some years are the Barnstormer, a rollercoaster for beginners, a mild, smooth ride. Other years are the VelociCoaster, with 155-foot ascents and 80° 140-foot drops, overbanked turns, and heartline rolls, that drop you off with an intoxicating mix of exhilaration and melancholy.
My 2025 is riding like the now defunct Dueling Dragons, not only for its extremes—power and fragility—but also its dualities: two timelines running parallel and opposite, two forces careering though me at lightning speed then crossing paths, just a breath from crashing in the center of my heart.
I love a good rollercoaster. Extreme rollercoaster years are harder to love, but I’m finding my footing in this one The Year of Dueling Dragons or The Year of Letting Go and Embracing. Even so, I wouldn’t hate finding myself on the less extreme rides—perhaps in the senior area of the park?—for 2026.
Do you detect a pendular swing in the rhythm of your years? Do some years develop thematically for you?
©Pennie Nichols. All Rights Reserved. 2025
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