Shadow vs. shoulders? If I’m totally honest, I’ve spent too much time in shadows, not enough on shoulders.

What I mean is: I have spent most of my life pleasing those “above” me—parents, mentors, teachers, bosses, and even peers.

That is not integrity.

Even when meeting expectations aligned with what I might have chosen anyway, something was off. I was performing, not expressing. Responding, not choosing.

Editing myself.

I’m tired of that.

Tired of shaping my thoughts and words to meet expectations—real or imagined. Tired of mistaking approval for alignment.

So the question isn’t What would I have chosen differently?

That road is closed. Spilled milk. Water under the bridge.

The real question is: Am I standing in someone else’s shadow now?

Shadow Vs. Shoulders: The Difference

Standing in shadow is hiding, cloistering.

Standing on shoulders is rising, opening.

From someone’s shoulders, I can see farther than they saw, imagine deeper, wider, wilder. I carry forward what they offered, but I’m not confined by it.

In their shadow, something of mine stays hidden. Smaller. Less visible. Less vulnerable.

I chose the shadow more often than I like to admit, not because I had to. Because it was easier.

The Tangle

I have divergent feelings about this. I love the people who shaped me—my parents, mentors, teachers, peers.

And I resent the expectations that tangled my feet.

But I don’t blame the people. I chose the comfort of their shadow over the riskiness of their shoulders.

I chose being the “good” girl, meeting expectations. Most of all, I chose safety over exposure.

Now

Now, when I look around, most of the shadows are gone.

Some people are dead.
Some relationships have shifted.

But more importantly, I’ve stepped out.

I’m learning to recognize when I start to shrink, to edit, to defer. I’m learning to say, “No. That’s not me.”

Moving Forward

Now that I’m mentor to some, I’m mindful of what I offer.
Not a shadow. Shoulders.

A place to stand, to see farther, to imagine beyond me.

Climb up! Stand and see. I will celebrate you seeing more than I ever saw, imagining beyond what I imagined, becoming more than I became. 

My Quiet Truth

I’m not here to grieve what might have been.

I’m here now.

And now, I choose differently.

©Pennie Nichols. All Rights Reserved. 2026