Stoics say that a man is pushed by drives and pulled by values. This is the same push and pull of the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, the conflicting voices in our head, the often hidden conflict between urges and higher goals.

This is the story of a daughter surprising her father in a moment when he has lost his grip on his values and let his drives push him.

The Moment We’re In

Ann came over unannounced, caught Ed off-guard. He wanted to fuss—you need to call first—but it was too late. She’d know why, and that would be worse than the moment they were already in.

“Dad? What’s… hey, what’s wrong?”

She came to him right away. It didn’t matter what he’d hidden or how well, she was in his cloud of alcohol.

Ed could barely lift his head to meet her eyes. His hands were shaking.

“Are you… Dad! Are you drunk?”

He slurred one hand through the air, “I just had a li’l drink.” But his effort to make it a light announcement added to the gravity of the moment they were in.

“But, Dad, you’re sober. You’re supposed to be… It’s been, you’ve been sober since before I was born. What are you doing?”

“Having a li’l drink is all.” He tried to sit up straight but settled more off-kilter into the couch than before.

Even though Ed didn’t technically earn his 30-year coin due to the convention in 2001 and also that day a few months after his divorce, he had taken the coin anyway. He never slipped in front of his family, that was worth something.

“How much is a little drunk?” Ann was poking around in the kitchen, checking the fridge, the pantry, the garbage. Ed had never seen this side of his daughter. “This?” she asked holding up an empty bottle from the trashcan. “Was this your little drink? A magnum of wine?”

She went back to the fridge, “And a second?”

“It’s just wine.”

“It’s alcohol, Dad. Why?” Ann paused and closed her eyes as she drew in some air, mostly polluted with alcohol vapors.

“I should be asking you that.” Ed pushed himself up to look over the couch. “Why are you here?”

“I’m in town for a convention, thought I’d surprise you… Looks like the joke’s on me. It’s only 9 o’clock in the morning! What happened? Did something happen to upset you?”

Ed watched his daughter return to the kitchen. She found more bottles, came back with three of them. Ann was the best thing he ever did, but he didn’t like this side of his daughter. He didn’t like sharing this moment with her.

“How long?”

Ed shrugged. The red, puffiness of his face and the folds under his eyes aged him 30 years. Ann set the bottles on the counter and knelt in front of her dad.

“Dad? What’s happening?”

Ed could invent a thousand excuses for choosing to drink. He could pretend life had driven him to drink. But the truth was he just wanted to. It wasn’t something else and the drink. It was just Ed and the drink. The desire to drink pushed him to the bottle. Ann hadn’t seen it before because, until she moved to Phoenix, his love for her pulled him away from the bottle.

For the first time since Ann was born, Ed’s drive to drink and his values collided in front of his daughter. He was too deep into the last bottle to pull himself up for this moment they were in and couldn’t stop the tears.

“It’s okay, Dad. I just didn’t know,” Ann said, holding his hand. “You beat this before. You can beat it again.”

Ed’s smile was crooked, his faith in himself thin as vapor. But when he squeezed his daughter’s hand, he remembered, in that moment, why it was worth the effort.

©Pennie Nichols. All Rights Reserved. 2025.